


The Spaces Between

by skyemaxwell



Category: Running Man, Running Man RPF
Genre: M/M, Running Man - Freeform, Same Age Friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-12 06:00:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2098284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyemaxwell/pseuds/skyemaxwell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's too much gray in the spaces between us.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

 

“Kwang-soo yah,” Joong-ki looked down at his cup. His coffee had long gone cold. “I don’t know if I can keep doing this.”

Kwang-soo said nothing, gaze trained on the movement of green outside the window. A light breeze was filtering in, bringing with it the solemn sounds of summer.

“I know,” He finally murmured, fingers running gently across Joong-ki’s wrist.

“I know I said…” Joong-ki paused, swallowed the lump in his throat, tried again. “I said it was enough, being by your side. We’ve been friends for so long.”

Kwang-soo didn’t look at him, unreadable face turned down to where their fingers touched.

“…but, hey.” Joong-ki laughed bitterly. “I guess that’s what being human is. Selfishness. I’m sorry, my friend.”

“Don’t.” Kwang-soo quietly replied. “Don’t say sorry.”

“I broke my promise.” Joong-ki said. “That’s why I’m apologizing, idiot. At least let me say it.”

“Please,” Kwang-soo closed his eyes. “Please, Joong-ki ah. I…I don’t… What can I say… I just…”

“Don’t hurt yourself.” Joong-ki sighed, rising from the table. “I understand. I’m not your best friend for nothing, you know. That’s why I’m doing this.”

Kwang-soo's eyes flew open, his hand automatically flying out to grab his friend’s wrist.

“What did you do?” Kwang-soo looked at him, lost. “Did you… do you have a girlfriend, now?”

“What?” Joong-ki almost laughed. “Are you joking? No, you’re not. Oh, brother. Why would you even think that?”

“You may look like an angel with that face but I sure know what a devil you are inside.” Kwang-soo muttered. “Tell me, then. What have you done this time?”

Joong-ki stared at him in silence for a bit, rejoicing in the way Kwang-soo’s eyes finally met his. He noted the slight pinch between his brows, lingered over the surprising length of his eyelashes framing his wide eyes.

“I quit Running Man.” He finally said.

Kwang-soo’s brows predictably disappeared into his hair and he shot to his feet.

“What?!”

“I called Jae-Suk hyung yesterday and told him about it. The PD’s will tell him first, I knew.” Joong-ki laid a soothing hand on Kwang-soo’s shoulder, which was starting to tremble. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you first, but on that day, you were drunk and fell asleep on—“

“Your bed, yes, I remember.” Kwang-soo sank back to his seat. “Oh man. Oh jeez. Shit. Shit. Shit.”

“Watch your mouth.” He frowned. “You’re part of a popular show for kids, didn’t we talk about this?”

“Didn’t we talk about making big decisions in our lives?” Kwang-soo shot back. “And talking about it with each other first? What did you think I was going to say, when you finally told me?” He shook his head. “Right now! Since you told me! Fuck!”

“Calm down, idiot.” Joong-ki sighed. “I knew you’d panic. Sort-of. And then you’ll probably get really angry. Just please don’t punch me. And then after, you’ll probably get really depressed, which is why I already bought several tubs of your favorite ice cream.”

“Ice cream?!” Kwang-soo cried. “Are you looking down on me right now? Is this a joke to you? Are you systematically breaking up with me—“

 Joong-ki’s eyes flashed. “Don’t you dare, Lee Kwang Soo. I was always serious about you. You know that. This is me being serious. I can’t be professional with you anymore, so I quit. This is for my sake, but also for yours.”

It was like Kwang-soo didn’t hear him.

“Are you breaking up with me?” Kwang-soo grasped at his arms, looking pained. “Tell me now, Joong-ki ah. Are you?”

“How could I?” Joong-ki fought the tremble in his lips. “We were never together, were we?”

Kwang-soo let out a breath, stilling.

“No,” he murmured, dropping his eyes. “We were not.”

“Kwang-soo.” His friend sighed exasperatedly. “This is what I mean. There’s so much gray between us. And I guess at first, I was fine with that. I just realized that things have changed now. Maybe I’ve grown up.”

Joong-ki gave him a final pat on the shoulder.

“You have a recording session later, don’t you? Eat something before you leave, okay? I’ll see you later.”

Kwang-soo watched dully as his friend’s back disappeared from his kitchen. He listened to the familiar sounds of Joong-ki shuffling around the house, putting on his shoes and letting himself out of the front door. Silence settled into the house along with the cry of cicadas, deafening now, without the presence of Joong-ki to fill his attention.

“Why did you have to grow up?” He murmured, touching the rim of Joong-ki’s coffee cup. “And leave me behind?”

 

**


	2. Chapter 2

**

“Noona,” Joong-ki squinted against the sudden wind. The air was crisp with the salt of the sea. “Where are you?”

“We’re not supposed to be in contact, you know.” Ji-Hyo laughed good-naturedly on the other line, over the roar of the motor boat. “I’m on my way to get Kim Jong Kook.”

Joong-Ki nodded. He thought as much.

“I want to ask a favor, Noona.”

“I won’t pick you for my team just because you ask me to, you know.”

“No, you don’t have to pick me. But could you please pick up Kwang-soo instead?”

Ji-Hyo paused. “What’s this? You’re serious?”

“Yes,” Joong-Ki checked his watch. “Since he lives so far away, the staff asked him to come earlier than everyone else. He’s been here since 10 am. And he’s going to be the last to be picked up.”

Ji-Hyo understood. “He must be freezing. Poor Kwang-Soo. But that’s TV for you, can’t be helped.”

“Kwang-soo won’t complain.” Joong-Ki smiled. “That guy may have a loud voice but he’s surprisingly shy. Will you pick him up, Noona?”

“You’re being very serious right now, Song Joong Ki. Do you realize that?” Ji-Hyo hesitated. “Ya… Do you like Kwang-Soo?”

“He’s my friend. Of course I like him.”

“Joong-Ki ah.”

Joong-Ki closed his eyes and did not answer.

“Oh boy.” Ji-Hyo sighed. “You idiot. Did you really fall for him? Joong-Ki ah, you can’t.”

“Will you pick him up?” Joong-Ki replied instead.

“Yes, of course I will.” Ji-Hyo waved it off. “Joong-Ki ah, you’re in big trouble. What are you going to do? Does he even know?”

“He knows.”

“What?!” She sat up. “And? What did he say?”

“…we don’t really talk about it.”

“Of course not.” Ji Hyo slapped a hand on her forehead. “That clueless idiot. Joong-Ki, Joong-Ki, Joong Ki… I don’t envy you the slightest.”

“Thanks for everything, noona.” Joong-Ki replied. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Go and buy some coffee to warm your frozen heart.”

 

**

Yoo Jae Suk wasn’t stupid.

He didn’t come all this way to the top of the food chain by being ignorant, either. His eyes followed the slight form of Song Joong Ki as he chatted with Gary about his latest single. Joong-Ki had told him that he was going to quit sometime next month. As of now, Jae-Suk was the only member who knows about it.

“Hyung! That’s not fair at all!”

Jae-suk’s eyes swiveled over to the tallest member of the group. Lee Kwang Soo. He’s told Kwang-Soo many times already but he was really impressed with the young star. He should have been a comedian; he was naturally funny and highly intelligent. It was easy to perform on camera with him—a simple matter of pulling his hair or throwing an insult without the niggling fear of crossing the line and going too far. Kwang Soo was comfortable. He made everyone feel at-ease. That was his biggest talent.

But for all the loud voice and the comic act, Kwang-soo was a bit of an introvert off camera. Jae Suk was the type who was exactly the same on and off the camera (which drove some people crazy, he heard) so he sometimes had a bit of trouble adjusting with interacting with the same people outside of work. Kwang-soo was quieter, more soft-spoken once they returned to their civilian clothes and his magnetic aura would somehow shrink as he positioned himself like a planet around the sun that is Song Joong Ki.

He isn’t sure if anybody else noticed, but those two were genuinely friends. Like, for real. The straight up, call-you-at-one-am-to-cry-on-your-shoulder, introduce-to-your-mother kind of friends. Kwang-soo was inevitably friends with everyone as he was difficult not to like and comfortable enough to call out anytime for a drink. But him and Joong-Ki were another story all together.

They didn’t spend all their time on-camera showing off their friendship, which Jae-Suk suspected was the work of one of the PD’s. Kwang-soo had a budding image to maintain—one that did not benefit from having a staunch ally in the group. But what the cameras won’t show and what Jae-Suk did notice, was that there was _Something_ between those two and somehow, Jae-Suk couldn’t help but wonder if it had anything to do with why Joong-Ki had decided to leave. Trouble in paradise?

“What are you thinking so deeply about?” Suk-Jin poked him in the side, chewing on a piece of dried squid.

“Excuse me, take that thing out of your mouth.” Jae-Suk immediately replied.

“Are you my boss now?”

“You’re going to have squid breath the whole day. It’s torture for the rest of us who’ll have to bear with it, okay?”

“You can just not breathe, then.” Suk-Jin suggested, biting off a particularly large piece of squid. “So, penny for your thoughts?”

“I was just thinking that Kwang-soo’s been awfully quiet recently.”

“You’re joking, right?” Suk-Jin snorted. “Do you have ears? He’s so loud, I can hear him in my dreams.”

“Not right now,” Jae-Suk replied, annoyed. This particular Hyung was not known for his sensitivity at all. “I mean, in general. Maybe something’s bothering him.”

“If there is, he’ll get over it soon. He’s young, and his fancies are both fleeting and frivolous.” Suk-Jin clapped his hands, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Maybe he broke up with his girlfriend.”

“Kwang-soo has a girlfriend?”

“Maybe?” Suk-Jin shrugged. “Let’s ask him. Hey! Hey, Kwang-soo!”

Jae-suk wanted to strangle him. Talk about subtle!

“Yes, hyung?” Kwang-soo obediently came over.

“Tell us honestly,” Suk-Jin grinned, trying to sling an arm around his shoulders. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Hyung!” Kwang-soo’s face predictably turned pink. “What kind of question is that?”

“Well, it seems you’ve been down lately. Did you break-up with her or something?”

Jae-suk was watching his face, and that was the only reason he managed to glimpse the brief second when Kwang-soo’s expression fell, before a mask of comic indignation was slammed into place.

“Eyyyy,” Kwang-soo shoved at Suk-Jin. “Hyung, you shouldn’t ask me those kinds of questions. Shall I call your wife and ask how she’s been doing?”

“What are you saying? Keep my wife out of this.”

And just like that, the topic was shifted to Suk-Jin and the two proceeded to banter playfully. Jae-Suk stood rooted to the spot, eyes fixed on Kwang-soo as his mind raced with the outrageous thoughts that were ringing like alarm bells.

It couldn’t be.

But what if.

That would be crazy.

_But what if._

Shaken, he turned to find Joong-Ki’s eyes trained on Kwang-Soo. That wasn’t strange at all, since everybody was now watching the two bickering. But Jae-Suk was the only one who was looking at Joong-Ki at that moment, when his eyes were on Kwang-Soo like he was drinking the sight of the last rays of a sunset.

And Jae-Suk’s heart ached with a grief so swift and sudden that he had to sit down.

His VJ approached to hand him a bottle of water.

“Are you okay, hyungnim?”

“Fine, I’m fine.” He muttered.

The same probably couldn’t be said about those two.

 _You idiots._  Jae-suk thought sadly. _What kind of mess did you get yourself into?_


	3. Chapter 3

***

On Song Joong Ki’s last day on Running Man, there were four people crying. Kang Gary blinked as he fiddled with his hands, trying to look appropriately sad. He _was_ sad, of course. To an extent. Joong-Ki was a good friend and Gary was going to miss working with him. But they regularly met outside of work anyway, and it was not like they were never going to see each other again.

  _Maybe I’m an insensitive guy after all_ , Gary thought to himself, as he sneaked a bewildered glance at Ji Hyo who was tearing up next to him.

 Song Joong Ki was trying to make his farewell speech, but kept pausing to hiccup into his hands midway. Both his eyes and nose were red from his efforts to keep his tears in check. Next to him, Jae Suk hyung was patting his back, and Gary was surprised to note the glassy eyes of the National MC.

 “Kwang-Soo yah, pull yourself together.” Ji-Hyo was whispering from behind, and Gary turned around to look.

 Kwang-Soo was a mess. He kept his face away from the camera as his tears rivaled Joong-Ki’s waterworks. His lip was trembling so much it was pitiful.

 “I am… I am grateful for everyone here in Running Man…” Joong-Ki finally managed to say. “I was really, very happy here.”

 Gary was touched, and he gave Joong-Ki an encouraging smile.

 “I want to thank all my hyungs, and Noona…” Joong-Ki refused to look up. “And especially to the one who was always there to listen to me, my friend Kwang-Soo.”

 Kwang-Soo gave a little sob and Ji-Hyo moved closer to comfort him.

 Gary was absolutely floored. He knew for a fact that Kwang-Soo and Joong-Ki spent their week-ends together. Why were they both so upset today? He was missing something.

 “Kwang-Soo yah, it’s not your fault.” Ji-Hyo was whispering to him. “You know what he’s doing. Kwang-Soo yah, stop crying, okay?”

 Jong-Kook hyung heard her, and he tried to help lighten the situation by teasing him.

 “Kwang-soo’s crying too! Our Kwang-Soo’s crying too, oh no!” He hurried over to the tallest member of the group. Gary was close enough to hear Jong-Kook turn his back on the camera and murmur:

 “Dry your tears, Kwang-Soo. Be strong.”

  _Be strong for what?!_ Gary wanted to stamp his foot and demand answers.

 “I _said,_ put my stuff back in my house already!” Haha cried, cutting in front of the camera to steal the spotlight. “This is ridiculous, why would you take my stuff? It’s mine! Give it back!”

  

 ****

 

“Hey.”

 “Shut up. Don’t talk to me.”

 “…did you seriously cry for me back there?”

 “I said shut up.”

 “I’m touched.”

 “Do you want to die?”

 

 ****

 

 “Hey. Problem-child.”

 “You’re the only one who calls me that, noona.”

 “Apologize to Kwang-Soo.”

 “…is it really my fault, then?”

 “No. But you properly broke his heart, you know. He was seriously crying today. Apologize for that, at the very least.”

 The door swung quietly behind her as she left.

 “…but he broke my heart first.”

 

 ****

 

“Are you really leaving, Joong-Ki-ah?”

 “Yes, hyung.”

 “It just seems so real all of a sudden. We won’t see you next week.”

 “That’s what it means, hyung.”

 “…can’t I be a bit disoriented about this?”

 “You need to keep it together. You’re the eldest.”

 “…this is what the audience doesn’t see. You’ve got a terrible personality.”

 “Haha, I’m glad I make you laugh, hyung.”

 “Well, I’m going to miss you.”

 “You’ll manage.”

 “…terrible.”

 

 ****

 

“Are you going to focus on your acting career, then?”

 “There’s nothing else for me to do, is there?”

 “…are you seriously going to leave like this?”

 “I’m sure the show can manage just fine without me.”

 “Oh, the show will do fine.”

 “…Thanks, hyung.”

 “But we both know I’m not talking about that.”

 “…It will turn out okay, hyung.”

 “Are you sure about that?”

 “No. But what else can I do but hope for the best?”

 “You’re not being a Nice Guy at all.”

“…was I ever one?”

“You little shit.”

“Sorry, hyung. Don’t kill me. I was joking."

"Any last words?"

"...Take care of him, please.”

 

 ****

 

“Put that in my room, and make sure you put it in the _exact same_ _spot_ , I would know if there was even a millimeters difference.”

 “Hyung, aren’t you being especially mean to me right now?”

 “You’re imagining things.”

 “It’s my last day, you know. Could you take it easy on me?”

 “I have no intention of giving you special treatment.”

 “…okay, can I get normal treatment, then?”

 “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Hey! Hey Kwang-Soo! Do you want a snack? I’ve got your favorite Squid Poppers!”

 

 ****

 

 “…Hey, Joong-Ki.”

 “Yes, hyung. Are you here to threaten me in your own special way, as well?”

 “…I seriously don’t know what’s going on.”

 “…oh.”

 “I don’t know what’s going on and I’m not sure why the atmosphere feels _super_ weird, but I just wanna wish you luck and remind you that we’re brothers, yanno?”

 “…thanks, hyung. That’s… I really appreciate it.”

 “Okay. Good.”

 “Yes.”

 “…”

 “…did you need anything else?”

 “Er, well, I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on.”

 “Nothing’s going on hyung.”

 “Okay. But whatever it is, be sure to make up with Kwang-Soo, okay? He seemed really upset, the PD’s kinda scolded him for being too sincere.”

 “What?!”

 “Yeah. I think they’re going to have to edit a huge chunk out. Sorry, seems like your farewell spiel won’t be very long at all.”

 “…you’re bullying me too, aren’t you.”

 

 ****

  

“Hey, Song Joong Ki!”

 “I’m glad I managed to catch you before you left, hyung.”

 “Yes, well, you had a rough day huh?”

 “Somewhat. But I’m going to miss this, I really am.”

 “That’s a given.”

 “…any final words of inspiration for me, hyung?”

 “I’ll stick by to what I told you last time, Joong-ki-ah. Do well, and do well unto others. It’ll all come back to you in the end. Hard work, earnestness, time. No effort is worthless.”

 “Wise words, as expected, hyung.”

 “…which is why you have to be good to your friends, okay, Joong-Ki?”

 “Hyung.”

 “I know. I don’t know your story and I don’t see the whole picture. You might not be like Kwang-Soo who wears his heart on his sleeve, but you must be suffering inside too. Maybe, your heart is in a state of calamity, like a hurricane had blown past… so I’m not going to say something insensitive.”

 “…”

 “Just… do your best, okay?”

 “Thank you hyung.”

 “Hm. We’ll see each other soon. I’ll buy you lunch. Joong-Ki-ah, Fighting!”

 

 ****

 

The clock blinked sluggishly, as if reflecting the wrung out state of his mind. He could feel the redness of his eyes as he took in the red numbers 3:00. The apartment was deathly silent, and he stood in front of his dark bedroom, listening to his breathing, reflecting on the light shining through his window from the street below.

He let his bag slither from his shoulder, landing on a dull thump beside his feet.

He could feel his shoulders relax a tiniest bit. And that was enough to break the dam. He crumpled to his feet and let in a desperate gasp of air as everything he was holding back rolled down his cheeks in fat, hot tears.

_Is there anything like a pain such as this?_

“Kwang-Soo-yah…” He cried, grasping at the floor. “Kwang-Soo-yah! I’m sorry! I’m s-sorry!”

It was all he could do, to hold on to those words as he rode out the storm of his despair.

_I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry._

.

.

_I love you._


End file.
